20 Witty Quotes on Love, Sex and Marraige

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20 Witty Quotes on Love, Sex and Marraige

100% Giggle worthy!

1.

“Some people ask the secret of a long marraige. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, music and dancing. She goes on Tuesdays. I go Fridays.” – Henry Youngman

2.

“How do you feel about men? With my hands..” – Cher

3.

“Women are a problem, but they are the kind of problem I enjoy wrestling with” – Warren Beatty

4.

“The difference between sex and death is with death you can do it alone and nobody is going to make fun of you” – Woody Allen

5.

“It’s so tiring making love to a women , it takes forever. I’m too lazy to be a lesbian” – Camille Paglia

6.

“The useless piece of flesh at the end of a penis is called a man” – Jo Brand

7.

“If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side” – Stuart Turner

8.

“My husband claims to be a great sexual athlete, just because he always comes first.” – Ellie Lane

9.

“Marriage is so tough, Nelson Mandela got a divorce. Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in a South African prison, got beat and tortured every day for 27 years and spent six months with is wife, and said, ‘I can’t take this sh*t no more. I’m outta here.” – Chris Rock

10.

“The only way to get rid of cockroaches is to tell them you want a long term relationship.” Jasmine Birtles

11.

“A husband should tell his wife everything that he is sure she will find out anyway and before anybody else does.” – Thomas Dewar

12.

“If you want sex, have an affair. If you want a relationship, buy a dog.” – Julie Burchill

13.

“My mother said its easy to keep a man. You must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I’d hire the first two and take care of the bedroom bit myself.” Jerry Hall

14.

“I was the first women to burn my bra – it took the fire department four days to put it out.” – Dolly Parton

15.

“There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.” – P.J O’Rourke

16.

“Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.” – Roseanne Barr

17.

“I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.” – Dick Martin

18.

“The only time a women has a true orgasm is when she is shopping.” – Joan Rivers

19.

“I am not bald – my head is just a solar panel for a sex machine.” – Telly Savalas

20.

“I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a billionaire?” – Zsa-Zsa Gabor

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